John's story

Since 2022, I’ve taken part in Bike Oxford as a proud member of Team Sobell. I decided to get involved and fundraise for Sobell House in support of a local cause, but I didn’t know just how important and valuable their cause was until I benefited from their care myself.

In February 2024, my colleague and very close friend, Jo, died from breast cancer. This was Jo’s second time facing breast cancer, and we all thought – and hoped – that she’d have the treatment and many more years with us. Sadly, this wasn’t the case, and Jo died very suddenly in the John Radcliffe Hospital, having been too unwell to safely transfer to the ward at Sobell House.

I found Jo’s death deeply traumatising, not only from the loss of a friend I’d spent nearly 30 years working alongside, but it was a total shock to see her rapid decline in health, and I felt myself going down quite a dark path that I didn’t know how to get back from.

This was when our mutual friend and colleague told me that he had been offered bereavement counselling through Sobell House. I’d never had counselling before and had some reservations, but agreed to meet with Mike, a Bereavement Support Worker, at the hospice for my first session. It was my first time visiting Sobell House and my first impressions were immediately positive. Mike wasn’t intrusive and allowed me the space to talk about my feelings, helping me to express my thoughts – I can very clearly remember leaving that first session, drained but with a weight lifted already.

My subsequent sessions with Mike were so helpful – he listened without judgement and gave me the tools and support I needed to cope and move forwards.

After three and half months, I felt I was in a much better place and that I had discovered through our meetings a toolkit of strategies to call on in times of stress or worry. At this point, Mike and I discussed when our final session would be. Although I would happily have met with Mike regularly for the rest of my life, I knew that he would be needed elsewhere. At first, I’d felt guilty about using Mike’s time and the bereavement service, but now I am just so appreciative of the fact that Sobell House don’t just care for family members in grief, but friends too.

Death is a part of life and I’m well aware that this is something I will have to face again in the future, but now I’ve experienced bereavement counselling I know that it’s always there if I need it. If anyone is anxious about receiving counselling, I would always say to go for it; from my experience it was enormously valuable and opened a doorway that allowed me to reach the other side and get back on track. I understand now that although things may sometimes be bad there is a way through – it will get better.

Knowing that by taking part in events like Bike Oxford I am helping to raise funds for the bereavement service, and many other aspects of Sobell House’s care, means a great deal to me. If we can all help in some small way, it means their services will be available to everyone who needs them long into the future.