Anna’s Story

After leaving the RAF, our family moved to Derbyshire where my father became the General Manager of a large hotel. Mum was kept very busy in her role as the General Manager’s wife. Unfortunately my father’s health began to deteriorate, so we left the hotel business and moved to Oxfordshire, where my parents took over a restaurant and an antique shop. Once I had finished college, I decided to travel and ended up living in Canada for several years, followed by another five years in Paris.

The first I knew that Mum had been diagnosed with cancer was when I received a telegram in October 1977. My brother asked me to come home immediately as Mum was about to have breast cancer surgery. I was living in Toronto and caught the first possible flight home, arriving at the hospital just minutes before Mum was taken down to theatre. Mum had a mastectomy followed by a course of radiotherapy. I had recently relocated from Montreal to Toronto and didn’t yet have a job or contract tying me to Canada, so I was able to stay and support Mum until her radiotherapy treatment was finished. By this time my father had suffered several strokes and needed additional care too. I really knew nothing about cancer. Even the word “cancer” frightened me, but I hoped that I would be able to provide some support. Thankfully Mum made a full recovery and looked after my father until he died in September 1978.

In 1991, Mum received the news she had always dreaded. After a period of 14 years the cancer had come back, and this time it had spread to other areas such as her bones, and even her scalp. She also developed lymphoedema in her arm. This time Mum needed chemotherapy – the side effects can be pretty brutal. By this time I was actually living back in the UK but working in London, so providing the support Mum needed wasn’t always easy.

In 1992, after the chemotherapy was finished, Mum attended the Day Centre at Sobell House for the first time. A kind, friendly volunteer driver took her there and brought her home. In no time at all, the wonderful care and support she received at the Day Centre began to make quite a difference to her life. There was a new network of friends and fellow patients at the Day Centre, and their priority was very much to support each other. There was a definite camaraderie which grew. The patients got involved with various activities. I seem to recall Mum knitting a little yellow chick which was the cover for a Crème Egg at Easter… I still have mine!

Going through chemotherapy for many people is often a very challenging time. Mum lost her hair but soon got fitted with a lovely silvery grey wig which really suited her. In December 1992, the chemotherapy had really taken its toll and Mum ended up being admitted to the ward for a week’s respite care. I think many cancer patients are scared that if they are admitted to the Inpatient Unit in a hospice, they might never come out. Mum’s spirit was strong and she was determined to only stay for a week, which is what she did. The respite care at Sobell House helped to put her back on her feet and gave her extra precious time with family as well as friends.

Christmas 1992 was a very different Christmas for us all. Mum was still quite weak and had virtually no appetite as nothing tasted right. On Christmas Day she had a few spoonfuls of tomato soup and some coffee ice cream but that was about it. My brother and family came over for tea in the afternoon and that lifted her spirits. Gradually, Mum’s appetite began to return and by Easter she was able to enjoy a very small portion of roast lamb. Once her strength returned Mum was able to go back to the Day Centre until she began to deteriorate in mid-May. The wonderful staff at the Day Centre were able to provide the love and support Mum needed as I believe she sensed time was running out. By the end of May (having just celebrated her 73rd birthday), Mum knew that she needed to be admitted to the Inpatient Unit.

When the staff realised the end was near, Mum was moved to a side room. Later that evening I drove home to collect a little radio for her room so she could listen to Classic FM all night and wouldn’t feel quite so alone. She died peacefully the following day – 2 June 1993.

The staff at Sobell House were wonderful and were always there to support us as a family too. It was a journey for us all. While Mum was receiving treatment in Oxford I was still trying to hold down my demanding PA job in London. Thankfully I had a brilliant boss who saw how distressed I was at times and said, “Family comes first – get home to your mother – she needs you.”

I try to support Sobell House as best I can from afar. I find the Lights of Love ceremony prior to Christmas very moving. As a result of Mum’s cancer, I decided to train as a complementary therapist, as I remembered Mum mentioning how much she enjoyed having a hand massage while having treatment. Once I qualified I was then able to volunteer as a therapist at my local hospice. It became the highlight of my week, working with the patients in the Day Centre, and I felt it was a small way of giving something back for the wonderful care Mum had received at Sobell House.

Thank you so much to Deirdre for kindly sharing her family’s experience.