Rosemary's Story

Shared by Rosemary’s husband, David.

Valentine’s Day 2021 was a Sunday – Rosemary had been at Sobell House since 19th January.

Everything seemed to happen to us on the 19th of the month: 19th August, Rosemary was diagnosed with an inoperable stomach cancer; 19th December, Rosemary returns home for Christmas from hospital after an operation; 19th February, Rosemary died in Sobell House. 

 

Dates are important, of course. They punctuate our lives and are our calendar for significant life events – weddings, births, anniversaries, holidays. 

Sunday 14th February will always be a landmark date for me. It was the last time I had a conversation with Rosemary. 

2021 was a difficult year for everyone, of course. During lockdown at Sobell House only one visitor was allowed each day, though you could stay as long as you liked. We all had to wear masks and sanitise on arrival. The staff all had masks, gowns, and gloves, changed each time they entered a patient’s room. I visited Rosemary every day for a month, except one snowy day when I could not get there. My daughter could visit only once (she was in lockdown too), the day before Rosemary died, but Rosemary was asleep by then. 

Up until Valentine’s Day, Rosemary had kept busy organising things. First ensuring she had what she needed in Sobell House, then keeping in touch with friends and family by email or phone. Her thoughts turned to her funeral, so she wrote the service, organised the minister, and finally the music. With the help of Tom Crook, Sobell’s Music Therapist, she also wrote down a tune which she called ‘Bluebells’ that she had held in her head, with words, for the last 35 years. She used to hum it as she walked to and from her work at school in springtime, through a Derbyshire bluebell wood. My daughter sang the words and played the tune on her tenor horn. Rosemary ensured this recording would be played at her funeral. 

Pictured: Rosemary

Pictured: the Sobell House ward

On that Sunday 14th February, I visited Rosemary as usual and took her a Valentine’s card and a rose plant. We talked together until Rosemary was tired and had to rest. We could not hug or hold hands, that was too painful for her. A kiss was on the cheek or forehead. I did not know then that this would be our last conversation. In the following days until she died on the Friday morning, Rosemary was very dozy or asleep, though she may have known I was there. 

That’s why Valentine’s Day will always be an important date each year to me. Rosemary – forever my Valentine. 

 

Thank you so much to David for kindly sharing his family’s experience of Sobell House.